Why today? Simple.
Nothing starts a day off better than a quality poo.
For a brief moment in time, nothing else matters. Who gives a shit that Ivan Gazidis is a complete twat? Does it honestly matter that Arsenal's majority shareholder is a boring, useless knob? Why, at this precise moment should I bother myself with Mr. Wenger's inability to execute a transfer due to his pride and bizarre belief that Real Madrid will come back and say, "You know what, we were bang out of line trying to get an extra £5Million from ya, please take Higuain for £25Million... and you know what, take Di Maria too, as a peace offering."
And really, honestly, should I worry my pretty little head about our complete lack of transfer business this summer?
Nah. This 3, perhaps even 4 minutes in mine. Not Arsenal's.
After that, I'm yours.
It's inevitable that within a few seconds of waking up, after realizing my surroundings and making sure nothing is on fire, that I will be desperate to insert myself into the world of Arsenal.
The reason Smart Phones were invented was to give me and every football fan across the planet a way to ensure that nothing mind blowing happened to the the team while we were sleeping. And thank God too, otherwise I'd have to wait 45 seconds for the computer to boot up, then at least another painful 8 seconds to bring up the sports pages, and blow me down if it doesn't take another 4.5 seconds to find Arsenal-specific news. Bloody waste of time if you ask me.
What society fails to take into account is the drive to work that millions of us have to make every single day. Sure, there's radio, but where are the pictures? When is anyone going to invent something that can provide me with pertinent information on Arsenal's youth squad and the state of their cafeteria while I drive? Perhaps a friendly voice to guide me along? I'd love a nice Simon Prebble voice giving me minute by minute commentary on whether Ryo will play on the wing this season or whether Rodolski will be out for 6 weeks or 10????
"Hello Michael, looks like we shouldn't have let Miquel go out on loan this year now that Vermaelen's cocked."
My poor wife and son. Seriously. The fact that they don't have the resources to find out who started in goal for the Arsenal Reserve squad the previous Tuesday must be very difficult. All I can do is help. And trust me, I give everything I can to ensure that their lives are enriched by Arsenal Football. I'm sure they appreciate it, they just don't tell me every day.
1. A supporter of the North London team, Arsenal F.C.
2. Someone who supports a team who plays 'beautiful football' but never win anything
3. A person who is feared by Yids, Mancs and Scousers