January 12, 2015

A Few Of My Favourite Things

By Michael Clements

I love a good 3-0 win. One thing I love even more than a good 3-0 win is a 3-0 win over Stoke. Something I love even more than a 3-0 win over Stoke is a 3-0 win over Stoke where Shawcross has a shit game and Mark Hughes' tactics look amateurish against the boys in Red & White. Glorious.

Where do I start? I think we deserved a good game like that one, I really do. It's been a while where we sat down to watch Arsenal and could honestly say it was pleasure to watch. Granted, it probably should have been 4 or 5 nil, but let's take it and run. A series of both hilarious, ball bustlingly funny and yet strangely karma-esque moments unfolded as we picked apart the Orcs from the Middle Earth Sunday afternoon.

Ryan Shawcross. Perhaps the most grumpy, least Captain-ish Captain I've ever seen at a Premier League Club was made to look like... well, the pile of steaming dog turd that he actually is. Giroud, only just returning from a red card, did a fantastic job at not reacting to the Englishman's antagonistic tactics, and even got a lovely stiff-arm palm to the face of the elephant-man-looking knob end. Tremendous stuff.

Credit to the whole team, really for not succumbing to the Mark Hughes "Get stuck in to Arsenal and they'll fold" routine. I wish his coaching staff were intelligent enough to advise him that tactics like that don't work anymore, especially when they're executed in a lackadaisical manner with little to no actual footballing skill. It may have been a decent matchup if he wasn't such a skid mark in Alex Ferguson's underpants. 

Yet another one of my favourite things is the fact that the Alexis goal (the first one) went in off Shawcross. Delightful. Former Arsenal right-back, Lee Dixon was the icing on the cake as he (a former Stoke player too, mind you) delicately ripped Stoke City Football Club apart throughout the 90 minutes. Deservedly so. 
"Stoke should have minus one goals with this performance" was his best comment of the day. 

One of my least favorite things about Sunday was the way Debuchy went down. Now, he may have been unlucky to suffer two injuries so close together, but the way he was shoved from behind off the field by Marko Arnautovic was criminal. Some news sources are saying it was a 'collision' but if you haven't seen it I urge you to take a look and judge for yourself. Debuchy is now out for an extended period of time with a dislocated shoulder and that leaves us in more of a hole than we already were as far as our defensive options go. I cannot say I'm surprised by how the Stoke player conducted himself though - it's par for the course when you play such a scummy, uneducated, hideously untalented bunch of incestuous orcs who's only 'Plan B' is to parade around attempting to bollock the opposition. Which is essentially the same as their 'Plan A'. 

Every time one of our boys had the ball the thought that a Stoke player would come tumbling in and take him out was always in the back of your mind, and that just doesn't appeal to me as quality football. At least not the kind of football that you expect to see at this level. Pub football? Sure, but not top level. Shame, but at the end of the day it's Stoke who sit 11th in the table, 10 points behind The Arsenal with a fan base that resembles a 'Bronie' convention. Yes, it's real.

And so it's another solid week to rejuvenate and basque in our complete domination of Stoke before we travel to the crappy part of England and enjoy a match against Manchester Citeh. One nice thing is that Yaya Toure won't be in the squad, as well as their new signing Wilfred Bony, due to the African Cup of Nations. This is the first time in a long time that I can remember Arsenal not losing anybody for this tournament. 

Shawcross is a twat, and Up The Arsenal!